Today I want to address the issues we are currently facing in our community. I know yall are used to us being funny and entertaining but I am getting to the point where I am literally afraid of what is going to happen to us as a people if we continue in this way. For all of the strides and advances we have made throughout the years, what do we have to show? Sure we have rich blacks, we have blacks in politics, we have blacks doing all kinds of things that our ancestors thought were impossible to achieve, but what about our situation in society. Why are we in almost the same exact place we have been in for like 50 years? These are some things that I think we as a people need to consider looking at…
We need to start by taking a good look in the mirror. We are our own worst enemies. We don’t support each other as a community; we don’t even support people in our own families! We should look at family oriented cultures such as Asians and East Indians, as an example of how supporting family can help out everyone involved. When one of them moves here and they are able to get on their feet, they send for more family members and then live together and work together towards the common goal of making a better life for themselves. I know what you are gonna say, Nikki- I cant have nobody in my family come live with me, they may steal my stuff and my house while I am at work! Well I understand and clearly do not think you should let Uncle Molester or Cousin Cracky come and move in, I am just saying we need try to encourage and enable the members of our family and communities that we live in, in order to start the changes that need to happen to us as a society.
We have a troth of self-hate. How many studies have you seen where they offer black children a white or black baby doll and the white one always gets picked when asked which one was “pretty, clean, or good”? How many times have you heard someone talk about how they need to stay out of the sun so they don’t get dark? Or talk about how a light skinned person may seem bougie- although they have never met them or spoken to them. Why do dark skinned men go in and out of “style”? We still have a slave mentality. It has been 400 years and we still feel and act on the effects of what the white masters instilled in us. We talk about ourselves so bad yall. We talk about someone if they have too dark of skin, too light, too big of a nose, too skinny of a nose, big lips, thin lips, big butt, no butt. No matter your skin tone, I am sure you have been talked about by your own people at one time in your life. And don’t let me start on hair- that’s a whole ‘nother bag of worms…We seem crazy and confused to other races. We don’t want to be light, but we can’t be too dark. Why? We need to start looking at ourselves like we really are a beautiful multi-hued race of people. We have so many sought after and beautiful assets that in Hollywood all of the big white/Latina stars all have some sort of black trait. See they are trying to steal our beauty away from us. But we need to grasp it and appreciate it in ourselves. We are the race with the sought after characteristics of beauty, we are the race with the soulful music that they pattern theirs after, we are the ones with the style and swagger you see them replicating on the runways, we are the ones with magical cooking skills that can turn a pot of assorted unwanted items into something like Gumbo. We are responsible for getting our self love and respect back before we can make them respect us.
We need to work with our children. Have you seen them? They are a mess; they have no morals, no values, and no education. Why- they haven’t been taught any better. The only things they think they can be are a rapper/ball player /singer/dancer so they don’t try to do more. Guess what? Not every kid in the hood has talent. Not every child is gonna make it out by becoming the USA’s next big thing, the rest will fall behind and end up slangin and getting locked up or be another unemployed person in the system. The sad thing is that there are many brilliant kids who due to a lack of resources and opportunities will use their knowledge for evil. But whose fault is this? Not theirs. They were led astray by the break down of the black family, by the welfare inheritance their mother’s leave them with, by parents and family members becoming addicts, teenage mothers and parents who have been locked up. Since the parents have been left with no hope, why would the kids have any? The parents of our youth have lost faith in themselves and in society and because of this have turned to other means in which to get by. Then the children grow up with this same mentality and this keeps us from getting anywhere as a race. How proud can we be of a black governor/president when such large numbers of our children are failing out of school, are given poor school facilities, are dying if AIDS, are living in poverty, are hungry, are having babies, are getting locked up on bogus charges, are dying?
Stop blaming music. Music has always been an issue of debate between generations of people. Back in the 1920’s older people hated jazz and everything that it stood for, they said that it supported drug use, alcoholism, and sex. The same thing happened in the 1950’s when Rock N’ Roll became popular, the same concerns were voiced. No one wanted their children to listen to the popular new music that they believed was going to cause all of society to fall apart. Well now we have Rap and R&B. We are in the same situation that we have continued to be in with the older generations, they apparently don’t recall the days when their parents talked bad about the music they listened to like it was going to ruin them as people. It is not the music’s fault that our teens and children think it is ok to call a woman a “ho” or a “bitch”, or that it’s cool to get shot at and put in jail, that it ok to dress like a prostitute at the age of 12, that sex at 9 years old is normal. It’s the parents, it’s the school systems, it’s the politicians, and it’s us as a people who have failed them.
Where have all of the leaders gone? Why haven’t we had a decent “black leader” since Malcolm X and MLK Jr. were assassinated? How am I really supposed to respect a man who wears a permed pompadour because he promised James Brown he would? We really need someone who is educated, opinionated, charming, and who cares about the state of black people in society. I am tired of seeing these people who are supposed be on our side when later it is clear that they were only trying to make a name for themselves, or their goals are self serving, or they just want the lime light. Are there really no more decent, caring race minded people any more? Have we really bought into the idea of being politically correct and political equality, when we still have to get minority scholarships to go to college, get hired by affirmative action, and sometimes only get hired because your company has to fill a quota? Do we really have faith in a government who would let a city full of black people like New Orleans suffer and die in the street like dogs when there were plenty of resources available if only they had let them get through the barricades they had set up in order to force the people to stay in the decimated city? And conversely the same government who when the majority white area of Malibu was affected by the fires put people up in hotels, were giving out spa days and held carnivals, basically gave them a party for being white.
Stop blaming everyone else. It is and has never been their responsibility to get us to and equal playing ground with them. First of all why would we ever think that the people who enslaved us and thought of us as animals would want to help us be equal to them? There are plenty of them who don’t agree that we are less, but during slavery there were plenty of abolitionists too from the beginning. We need to invest money and time into our communities to help save them from gentrification. We need to rally and vote for items that stand to help and hurt us once they are put into law. We need to fight with the cities and the school boards about the state of our school districts. We need to run for office and vote for politicians who are looking out for us as a people. We need to start looking down and helping our brothers and sisters accomplish their goals.
If we don’t wake up soon we may end up back at the “big house”. Don’t laugh because the way they have things right now, we are very close to it becoming a reality. What do you think they get out of so many of us being in jails? What do they get out of looking the other way when “upstanding white citizens” commit crimes? What do they get out of keeping us ignorant and on welfare? What do they get out of dividing us as a people by using our own self hatred as a weapon? What do they get out letting a whole culture in black society be divided and broken? We need to start thinking about not only the future of our children but of our society as a whole. I personally think that Harriet, Nat, WEB Dubois, and other influential deceased blacks would be outraged at how we are today. We have no appreciation, no regard, and no conscious of the past and what they brought us through. Not only that we have dropped the ball but it seems that no one is ready to pick it up.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Sunday, October 21, 2007
The Dating Game- Slo Mo
Let me preface the following rant by offering a disclaimer: I'm a highly educated, professional, attractive, fun-loving woman. I don't search for drama, and I try real hard not to create it. I'm not desperate and have never been told that I give off that vibe. I've never been married, and I have no children (not that being single with children is a bad thing...I just don't have any.) By all accounts, most would consider me a good catch. So please keep that in mind as you continue to read. Thank you!
Now that we've got that out of the way, I figured I could take this time to discuss why my dating life has been some bullshit in the last couple of years.
In my four years as a college undergrad, I can't recall there being a single week that went by when I didn't have at least one date...more than one date most weeks. (Ah, the good old days.) I had boyfriends here and there, but mostly I was just hanging out with different guys that I found interesting and attractive. Nothing promiscuous...just getting to know people and slowly refining my idea of what it meant to have a good time and what kind of man I'd prefer when I was ready to be in a relationship. And I met some fantastic guys. Many of them are men that I'm still friends with to this day. I never felt any pressure to be in a relationship because I figured I had my whole life ahead of me and that, when the time was right, I'd know what qualities are important to me in a man. And surely such knowledge would be beneficial and would ultimately make finding the right man easier, right?
WRONG!!!
Things began to go downhill when I started graduate school. I remember an older man I used to work for telling me that I was about to "educate myself out of the marriage pool." I scoffed at this statement, thinking what man in his right mind wouldn't want to date a young hottie who was intelligent and fun?!?! I now know that this man apparently put a hex on me, because my dating life promptly went straight to shit pretty soon thereafter. There's been all kinds of fiascos -- way too many to enumerate. But I figured I'd summarize by lumping the various dating failures into categories based on what eventually went wrong and the questions I ended up asking myself.
1. "You don't know what the fuck you want, do you?"
This category includes the wishy-washy ones. The ones who gave me the full-court press for months and then when it's time to put up or shut up, they get ghost.
Case Example: Dated a fellow grad student for a couple of months. The whole time he kept saying that he wanted to be in a committed relationship with me because he didn't like the thought of me possibly dating other people. He was known to repeatedly say that his next girlfriend was going to be his wife because he wasn't going to commit to another woman unless he was sure she was Ms. Right. I was that next girlfriend, and yet the relationship lasted a solid week before he felt like it was "too much pressure". Oh, I guess I should mention that we literally didn't speak during that week of us being together. Pressure, huh? Punk ass!
2. "You have about as much personality as a corpse."
These men usually have a lot going for them professionally because they have nothing to offer interpersonally. They tend to hide behind work or other endeavors to cover up the fact that they're about as much fun as your average dental procedure.
Case Example: Not all that long ago, I was dating a guy who seemed like the perfect catch in theory. Had a fantastic job...was a bit of a workaholic but I admired his work ethic at first. He was tall and handsome. Had all the credentials of a husband and seemed to be very interested in a serious relationship. At the beginning, I remember always wondering why he was chronically single. I later came to learn that it's because he turned into a box turtle anytime other people were around. He would clam up like a socially awkward child. Whenever we were in a group, he'd go all deaf-mute on me, leaving me to look like the idiot for ever being interested in him in the first place. And he never wanted to do anything fun or interesting. Dates always consisted of dinner at expensive restaurants, which was initially quite pleasant. That is until I realized that he was using his bankroll to make up for the fact that he was aware that he wouldn't be able to sustain a relationship based on personality alone. And he had the nerve to complain about women only wanting him for his money. Well, what else is there to want you for? Harsh, I know.
3. "You're a little bit crazy. If you ever come near me again, I'm calling the cops."
A man falls into this category if he generally gives you the creeps or if he has traits in common with Charles Manson, The Unabomber, or old boy that shot up Virginia Tech.
Case Example: I was out with Jam Session about 2 weekends ago, and we met a couple of guys at a bar/club. One seemed very normal...fun even. The other one immediately struck me as the kind of guy that would slip a date rape drug into my cosmo. He kept staring at us, and not in the "Oh, Lawd...you're so beautiful" kinda way. More like the "I wonder if you'll fit in the trunk of my car" kinda way. As it turns out, we have a mutual friend, who later told me that this guy is a "sick bastard" and that I should maintain my distance. I'm no fool and had already deduced that he was crazy, but the experience was unsettling. Thankfully, there was no exchange of phone numbers so I hope that our paths never cross again. But if I ever come up missing, y'all can just go ahead and name him as the primary suspect in my abduction.
4. "You are too old to have these issues. Dude, get your shit together."
This man's life is in complete shambles, often unbeknownst to him. He usually looks like a good catch on the surface, but with just a little digging the truth can be revealed.
Case Example: Very recently, I met this guy who seemed nice enough to the untrained eye. He was 38 years old, claimed to be gainfully employed and said that he wanted to get to know me...so much so that for our first date he said we can go anywhere I wanted to go. Claimed to be a bit of a baller...made sure that I was aware of his Gucci belt, his bracelet from Saks, and his Cuban cigars. (Who the hell brings cigars on a first date? But whatever.) He also wanted me to believe that he was days away from copping a new top of the line Benz. Again, whatever! So I quickly became aware that this was all a very shiny facade and that underneath lay a broke ass, wannabe pimp who couldn't afford to take me to Sonic for a bacon cheeseburger!! Turns out that this raggedy bastard had no car, was living in another chick's apartment, had been sleeping on an air mattress for God knows how long, and was rude to me on top of that! And if that weren't bad enough, by the end of the evening, he had received word from the woman he was living with that he was not allowed back in the house and that she was going to call the police on him. I could feel him waiting for me to ask him if he needed to crash at my place, but that was certainly not about to happen. And after what was undoubtedly one of the worst dates I'd ever been on, he had the nerve to ask me if I could swing by the next day to help him move out. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! I guess it's hard to carry an air mattress on public transportation.
Sadly, I could go on and on with examples of the pitfalls of dating, but I won't. The truth is that I'm not doing that bad. Yeah, I get pissed when it seems like all the good men are taken and that the only ones left are the psychopaths, losers, social outcasts, and noncommittal assholes. But overall, it's cool. Besides, such escapades make for good blog material!
Now that we've got that out of the way, I figured I could take this time to discuss why my dating life has been some bullshit in the last couple of years.
In my four years as a college undergrad, I can't recall there being a single week that went by when I didn't have at least one date...more than one date most weeks. (Ah, the good old days.) I had boyfriends here and there, but mostly I was just hanging out with different guys that I found interesting and attractive. Nothing promiscuous...just getting to know people and slowly refining my idea of what it meant to have a good time and what kind of man I'd prefer when I was ready to be in a relationship. And I met some fantastic guys. Many of them are men that I'm still friends with to this day. I never felt any pressure to be in a relationship because I figured I had my whole life ahead of me and that, when the time was right, I'd know what qualities are important to me in a man. And surely such knowledge would be beneficial and would ultimately make finding the right man easier, right?
WRONG!!!
Things began to go downhill when I started graduate school. I remember an older man I used to work for telling me that I was about to "educate myself out of the marriage pool." I scoffed at this statement, thinking what man in his right mind wouldn't want to date a young hottie who was intelligent and fun?!?! I now know that this man apparently put a hex on me, because my dating life promptly went straight to shit pretty soon thereafter. There's been all kinds of fiascos -- way too many to enumerate. But I figured I'd summarize by lumping the various dating failures into categories based on what eventually went wrong and the questions I ended up asking myself.
1. "You don't know what the fuck you want, do you?"
This category includes the wishy-washy ones. The ones who gave me the full-court press for months and then when it's time to put up or shut up, they get ghost.
Case Example: Dated a fellow grad student for a couple of months. The whole time he kept saying that he wanted to be in a committed relationship with me because he didn't like the thought of me possibly dating other people. He was known to repeatedly say that his next girlfriend was going to be his wife because he wasn't going to commit to another woman unless he was sure she was Ms. Right. I was that next girlfriend, and yet the relationship lasted a solid week before he felt like it was "too much pressure". Oh, I guess I should mention that we literally didn't speak during that week of us being together. Pressure, huh? Punk ass!
2. "You have about as much personality as a corpse."
These men usually have a lot going for them professionally because they have nothing to offer interpersonally. They tend to hide behind work or other endeavors to cover up the fact that they're about as much fun as your average dental procedure.
Case Example: Not all that long ago, I was dating a guy who seemed like the perfect catch in theory. Had a fantastic job...was a bit of a workaholic but I admired his work ethic at first. He was tall and handsome. Had all the credentials of a husband and seemed to be very interested in a serious relationship. At the beginning, I remember always wondering why he was chronically single. I later came to learn that it's because he turned into a box turtle anytime other people were around. He would clam up like a socially awkward child. Whenever we were in a group, he'd go all deaf-mute on me, leaving me to look like the idiot for ever being interested in him in the first place. And he never wanted to do anything fun or interesting. Dates always consisted of dinner at expensive restaurants, which was initially quite pleasant. That is until I realized that he was using his bankroll to make up for the fact that he was aware that he wouldn't be able to sustain a relationship based on personality alone. And he had the nerve to complain about women only wanting him for his money. Well, what else is there to want you for? Harsh, I know.
3. "You're a little bit crazy. If you ever come near me again, I'm calling the cops."
A man falls into this category if he generally gives you the creeps or if he has traits in common with Charles Manson, The Unabomber, or old boy that shot up Virginia Tech.
Case Example: I was out with Jam Session about 2 weekends ago, and we met a couple of guys at a bar/club. One seemed very normal...fun even. The other one immediately struck me as the kind of guy that would slip a date rape drug into my cosmo. He kept staring at us, and not in the "Oh, Lawd...you're so beautiful" kinda way. More like the "I wonder if you'll fit in the trunk of my car" kinda way. As it turns out, we have a mutual friend, who later told me that this guy is a "sick bastard" and that I should maintain my distance. I'm no fool and had already deduced that he was crazy, but the experience was unsettling. Thankfully, there was no exchange of phone numbers so I hope that our paths never cross again. But if I ever come up missing, y'all can just go ahead and name him as the primary suspect in my abduction.
4. "You are too old to have these issues. Dude, get your shit together."
This man's life is in complete shambles, often unbeknownst to him. He usually looks like a good catch on the surface, but with just a little digging the truth can be revealed.
Case Example: Very recently, I met this guy who seemed nice enough to the untrained eye. He was 38 years old, claimed to be gainfully employed and said that he wanted to get to know me...so much so that for our first date he said we can go anywhere I wanted to go. Claimed to be a bit of a baller...made sure that I was aware of his Gucci belt, his bracelet from Saks, and his Cuban cigars. (Who the hell brings cigars on a first date? But whatever.) He also wanted me to believe that he was days away from copping a new top of the line Benz. Again, whatever! So I quickly became aware that this was all a very shiny facade and that underneath lay a broke ass, wannabe pimp who couldn't afford to take me to Sonic for a bacon cheeseburger!! Turns out that this raggedy bastard had no car, was living in another chick's apartment, had been sleeping on an air mattress for God knows how long, and was rude to me on top of that! And if that weren't bad enough, by the end of the evening, he had received word from the woman he was living with that he was not allowed back in the house and that she was going to call the police on him. I could feel him waiting for me to ask him if he needed to crash at my place, but that was certainly not about to happen. And after what was undoubtedly one of the worst dates I'd ever been on, he had the nerve to ask me if I could swing by the next day to help him move out. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! I guess it's hard to carry an air mattress on public transportation.
Sadly, I could go on and on with examples of the pitfalls of dating, but I won't. The truth is that I'm not doing that bad. Yeah, I get pissed when it seems like all the good men are taken and that the only ones left are the psychopaths, losers, social outcasts, and noncommittal assholes. But overall, it's cool. Besides, such escapades make for good blog material!
Work People- Darling Nikki
Today we are going to talk about work people. You know those people who tell you all of their business when you could care less, those people who hate you for no reason at all, random stalkers, strangely happy people….
You know them, you see them everyday and you hate them.
Situation 1: the person who wants you to know everything about them.
Why is there always a person in your office/building who seems to believe that they live the most exciting life ever and force you to listen to every single detail of their lives? They are a crafty sort, they can turn any situation into a time to tell you about the stupid trick their 2 yr old can do. They will trap you in the copy room, or in the corner of the break room and start their ridiculously boring story about how their stupid kids/husband/pet did something you could care less about. And its not a quick story, they give you every single detail. The fact that you may have a look of fear on you face doesn’t deter them, the fact that you avoid asking any follow up questions doesn’t deter them. Its nuts! Beware of these people, try not to ask them anything, just say hello and goodbye while briskly walking in the opposite direction of them. There is a woman in my office who fits this to a “t”…The first time I got trapped was when I went to her desk to bring her something and she noticed me take a glance at a pic of her daughter, and then all of a sudden I found myself knee-deep into a story about how “Lulu” had fallen and hit her head.. In my mind, I’m wondering “who the hell is lulu?” but my noticeable confusion did nothing to speed up the drama that was unfolding before my eyes…
Situation 2: Your office arch-enemy
Sometimes in the office setting you will find that there are cliques of people: people who still act as if they are in grade school, the soap opera people, the fat people, the “we’re smarter than everyone else” people, etc... At times you may find yourself to be the target of some random person’s hatred. Maybe you sat at their table during lunch, maybe you used their shelf in the fridge, maybe you talked during the soaps, and maybe you just neglected to kiss their ass. It’s crazy but it happens. I became the object of one woman’s hatred because I didn’t realize that she thought she was more important than others, and treated her as if she was normal, to her dismay….I now get subjected to threats and ugly comments about my work, just because I did not “know bout her”. I try to maintain civility in the workplace, but this woman really gets my goat. Mostly because I know I didn’t do anything to inspire this horrible treatment. I guess I just need to realize that some people are just horrible monsters. I try to make myself feel better about it by telling myself that she is just an old ugly miserable woman, but this doesn’t stop me from dreaming about cursing her mean ass out.
Situation 3: The office stalker
Another common incident in the workplace is an office romance. But what happens when the romance is all one-sided, and their attention is not only unwanted but is down right creepy. My friend who is also a co-worker knows this situation well… There is a young man who decided that he liked her one day and began sending her emails just to say hello, he was nice so she would chat with him from time to time, and he took it a little further by starting to make comments on how she was dressed and how “fine” she was that day. She saw it as innocent and thanked the man for his kind words, well then he took it all the way into left field when he began sending her emails describing what he wanted to do to her/with her, you know- sexually. He earned the nickname “ITB” because he told her about a scenario where he wanted to “do” her in his cube and then stick his manhood into her butt! WTF??? Well she was shocked and frightened that her seemingly normal new friend was a pervert! She wanted to cuss him out, but couldn’t because she had to work with him. She was also worried that if she angered him, that he may kidnap her and end up some sort of sex slave living in his closet. She asked him to pretty please to cease and desist with that kind of talk, and although it took several attempts he finally did. To this day the nasty things he said to her leave an ugly imprint on her mind. If she hears him talking or coming down the hall she flees in the other direction.
I too had a work stalker, though he was definitely less perverted, it was still pretty odd. This man would continuously walk past my area just to stare at me, and at first I didn’t even notice it. My co-worker pointed it out one day, and then I began to pay more attention, he would walk through certain areas several times in a row if I was sitting there, he would go out of his way to walk past my desk…I called him “BL”- the black Latino, he was a strange little Honduran man who moved like the wind! He was so quiet and stealthy that sometimes I would turn around and he would be standing right behind me, when I had never heard him coming! I had a family member who died and he came to my desk to ask me about it, but the whole conversation he has this creepy/cheesy smile on his face. And I’m thinking “why is this man smiling at me so hard while asking me about my dead great grandfather?”…Luckily for me he found a job elsewhere, but was kind enough to call me in his office and break the news to me in person. You know, because of our deep bond and all…
Situation 4: The ridiculously happy person
Now before I start on this last person, I have to say that there is nothing wrong with being happy. But when you act like you may have overdosed on your depression meds, but you do it everyday, that’s when we have a problem. There is a woman I work with, and she is a GREAT person, so sweet, so nice, and so helpful. But she is always extremely and uberly happy! Before we had formally met, I would see her in the hallway and say “Good Morning”, because I’m polite like that, and she would always respond with such fervor that I came to believe that I was her favorite person in the world. Now I know it makes no sense seeing that I didn’t even know her, but you would have to see the gusto and giddiness that occurs when she responds with “Well THANK YOU, AND GOOD MORNING TO YOU MY DEAR!!!!!” all said very loudly with an almost maniacal smile plastered on her face. I soon found out that she was like this with everyone, which in a way relieved me because I was starting to wonder if I had another weird stalker on my hands…Its crazy how happy she is, how psychotically, consistently enthusiastic she is all of the time! She can call you on the phone, and people around you will know exactly who you are talking to, because you start to develop a strange cartoony tone to your voice, because you can’t not smile when talking to her!
Situation 5: The “Columbine-esque” weirdo
Everyone works with a person who they are afraid may show up one day and decide to blow up the building or shoot everyone up. Why? They seem like a fucking nut, that’s why. They generally display some sort of non-social behavior, and or just seem like they are fed up with their life in general. A guy recently got hired to my department, who fits this description. He looks like “Tweedle Dee/Tweedle Dum” in the way that he hikes his pants way up to his chest and tucks his shirt in real tight. He paces around and doesn’t really speak unless he is talking about work. When he arrived, I tried to be nice and say “hello”, again because I’m polite like that, and he just grunted and kept walking. So I thought maybe he doesn’t like blacks, ok fine…Then I realized that he ignored almost everyone when they spoke to him, and I thought- odd. After watching him for about a week, I began to worry because he just seemed like one of those people who you see on Dateline or something for getting arrested for eating people or blowing up schools. He just gives off that crazy “air”. Everyone who sits in my area is afraid of him, yet no one can put their finger on exactly why. Yet we all know that whenever “it” pops off we will be able to say that we knew it was coming. If you work with a crazy disgruntled person, try to stay on their good side, this way when they decide to blow up the building they may warn you ahead of time. I already know that I won’t get any warning from my crazy guy, but you may still have time to get on your “crazy’s” good side before he loses it.
Working in an office you meet a lot of different characters. And I suppose they all serve a purpose, in some way. Maybe Happy Lady is doing us a favor by making us smile, she makes you realize that even though you have to keep returning to that hell hole everyday, you can still find some happiness in your day….Or maybe when that crazy guy who sits in the corner decides its his day to come and shoot up the office she will be the first to die because he felt that her extreme giddiness mocked his lonely and sad existence. However you look at it, there are crazy folk everywhere. And unfortunately many of them work in my office, and probably at yours too. All I can say is be ready for anything people.
You know them, you see them everyday and you hate them.
Situation 1: the person who wants you to know everything about them.
Why is there always a person in your office/building who seems to believe that they live the most exciting life ever and force you to listen to every single detail of their lives? They are a crafty sort, they can turn any situation into a time to tell you about the stupid trick their 2 yr old can do. They will trap you in the copy room, or in the corner of the break room and start their ridiculously boring story about how their stupid kids/husband/pet did something you could care less about. And its not a quick story, they give you every single detail. The fact that you may have a look of fear on you face doesn’t deter them, the fact that you avoid asking any follow up questions doesn’t deter them. Its nuts! Beware of these people, try not to ask them anything, just say hello and goodbye while briskly walking in the opposite direction of them. There is a woman in my office who fits this to a “t”…The first time I got trapped was when I went to her desk to bring her something and she noticed me take a glance at a pic of her daughter, and then all of a sudden I found myself knee-deep into a story about how “Lulu” had fallen and hit her head.. In my mind, I’m wondering “who the hell is lulu?” but my noticeable confusion did nothing to speed up the drama that was unfolding before my eyes…
Situation 2: Your office arch-enemy
Sometimes in the office setting you will find that there are cliques of people: people who still act as if they are in grade school, the soap opera people, the fat people, the “we’re smarter than everyone else” people, etc... At times you may find yourself to be the target of some random person’s hatred. Maybe you sat at their table during lunch, maybe you used their shelf in the fridge, maybe you talked during the soaps, and maybe you just neglected to kiss their ass. It’s crazy but it happens. I became the object of one woman’s hatred because I didn’t realize that she thought she was more important than others, and treated her as if she was normal, to her dismay….I now get subjected to threats and ugly comments about my work, just because I did not “know bout her”. I try to maintain civility in the workplace, but this woman really gets my goat. Mostly because I know I didn’t do anything to inspire this horrible treatment. I guess I just need to realize that some people are just horrible monsters. I try to make myself feel better about it by telling myself that she is just an old ugly miserable woman, but this doesn’t stop me from dreaming about cursing her mean ass out.
Situation 3: The office stalker
Another common incident in the workplace is an office romance. But what happens when the romance is all one-sided, and their attention is not only unwanted but is down right creepy. My friend who is also a co-worker knows this situation well… There is a young man who decided that he liked her one day and began sending her emails just to say hello, he was nice so she would chat with him from time to time, and he took it a little further by starting to make comments on how she was dressed and how “fine” she was that day. She saw it as innocent and thanked the man for his kind words, well then he took it all the way into left field when he began sending her emails describing what he wanted to do to her/with her, you know- sexually. He earned the nickname “ITB” because he told her about a scenario where he wanted to “do” her in his cube and then stick his manhood into her butt! WTF??? Well she was shocked and frightened that her seemingly normal new friend was a pervert! She wanted to cuss him out, but couldn’t because she had to work with him. She was also worried that if she angered him, that he may kidnap her and end up some sort of sex slave living in his closet. She asked him to pretty please to cease and desist with that kind of talk, and although it took several attempts he finally did. To this day the nasty things he said to her leave an ugly imprint on her mind. If she hears him talking or coming down the hall she flees in the other direction.
I too had a work stalker, though he was definitely less perverted, it was still pretty odd. This man would continuously walk past my area just to stare at me, and at first I didn’t even notice it. My co-worker pointed it out one day, and then I began to pay more attention, he would walk through certain areas several times in a row if I was sitting there, he would go out of his way to walk past my desk…I called him “BL”- the black Latino, he was a strange little Honduran man who moved like the wind! He was so quiet and stealthy that sometimes I would turn around and he would be standing right behind me, when I had never heard him coming! I had a family member who died and he came to my desk to ask me about it, but the whole conversation he has this creepy/cheesy smile on his face. And I’m thinking “why is this man smiling at me so hard while asking me about my dead great grandfather?”…Luckily for me he found a job elsewhere, but was kind enough to call me in his office and break the news to me in person. You know, because of our deep bond and all…
Situation 4: The ridiculously happy person
Now before I start on this last person, I have to say that there is nothing wrong with being happy. But when you act like you may have overdosed on your depression meds, but you do it everyday, that’s when we have a problem. There is a woman I work with, and she is a GREAT person, so sweet, so nice, and so helpful. But she is always extremely and uberly happy! Before we had formally met, I would see her in the hallway and say “Good Morning”, because I’m polite like that, and she would always respond with such fervor that I came to believe that I was her favorite person in the world. Now I know it makes no sense seeing that I didn’t even know her, but you would have to see the gusto and giddiness that occurs when she responds with “Well THANK YOU, AND GOOD MORNING TO YOU MY DEAR!!!!!” all said very loudly with an almost maniacal smile plastered on her face. I soon found out that she was like this with everyone, which in a way relieved me because I was starting to wonder if I had another weird stalker on my hands…Its crazy how happy she is, how psychotically, consistently enthusiastic she is all of the time! She can call you on the phone, and people around you will know exactly who you are talking to, because you start to develop a strange cartoony tone to your voice, because you can’t not smile when talking to her!
Situation 5: The “Columbine-esque” weirdo
Everyone works with a person who they are afraid may show up one day and decide to blow up the building or shoot everyone up. Why? They seem like a fucking nut, that’s why. They generally display some sort of non-social behavior, and or just seem like they are fed up with their life in general. A guy recently got hired to my department, who fits this description. He looks like “Tweedle Dee/Tweedle Dum” in the way that he hikes his pants way up to his chest and tucks his shirt in real tight. He paces around and doesn’t really speak unless he is talking about work. When he arrived, I tried to be nice and say “hello”, again because I’m polite like that, and he just grunted and kept walking. So I thought maybe he doesn’t like blacks, ok fine…Then I realized that he ignored almost everyone when they spoke to him, and I thought- odd. After watching him for about a week, I began to worry because he just seemed like one of those people who you see on Dateline or something for getting arrested for eating people or blowing up schools. He just gives off that crazy “air”. Everyone who sits in my area is afraid of him, yet no one can put their finger on exactly why. Yet we all know that whenever “it” pops off we will be able to say that we knew it was coming. If you work with a crazy disgruntled person, try to stay on their good side, this way when they decide to blow up the building they may warn you ahead of time. I already know that I won’t get any warning from my crazy guy, but you may still have time to get on your “crazy’s” good side before he loses it.
Working in an office you meet a lot of different characters. And I suppose they all serve a purpose, in some way. Maybe Happy Lady is doing us a favor by making us smile, she makes you realize that even though you have to keep returning to that hell hole everyday, you can still find some happiness in your day….Or maybe when that crazy guy who sits in the corner decides its his day to come and shoot up the office she will be the first to die because he felt that her extreme giddiness mocked his lonely and sad existence. However you look at it, there are crazy folk everywhere. And unfortunately many of them work in my office, and probably at yours too. All I can say is be ready for anything people.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Drunk Driving- Darling Nikki
I want to discuss the phenomena of drunk driving…
Disclaimer: Ok, so this is in no way a letter proponing drunk driving, it is merely a discussion. These are the author’s thoughts, and if you don’t agree or if they make you angry- you don’t have to read it.
Mostly everyone has been to the club or out drinking and has decided to drive themselves home. Most people who do this are drunk. You don’t’ feel incapable of driving, and actually believe that you drive BETTER while in this drunken state. No one protests you driving yourself because everyone else with you is doing it too. They may actually let you drive them because they too have more faith in your drunk driving abilities.
Let’s just be real, who really goes out with people and expects someone to be a designated driver? I don’t wanna go out with people who don’t drink with me, because then the crazy antics and tomfoolery that happens while out will be lost on them and will just end up pissing me off… Unless this is an unnaturally fun person, it just won’t work. Also I don’t need some sober person judging me in my drunkenness… And this is what typically happens when a person in the group is not a drinker like the rest. No one likes to be told how drunk or stupid they are at the time, this is to be discussed and laughed at the next day!
Ok so, the night is over you are leaving the outing and you get in your car, then its like magic happens- you end up home, safe and in one piece. It’s like your body has an “auto-pilot” setting that just clicks on. You get home and realize how drunk you were and marvel at the fact that you got home, or you wake up and have this realization….Either way it’s a great feeling. Now what sucks is when this “auto-pilot” does not kick on and you actually feel drunk and seem to see the ground moving, this is when you need to call in a less drunk friend to save you- don’t ever drive in this circumstance! Now some people don’t have this ability, but most people know and accept this, or if you know you are going to have a particularly rowdy night, you may ride with another person in hopes that they won’t be as drunk as you and can get you both to someone’s home safely.
Why does this “auto-pilot” thing happen? Is it just our body “manning-up” for the situation? Does our brain for some reason realize that its needs to recover its capabilities for the short drive home? I don’t have the answer- all I know is that I am grateful that it happens.
Often with drunk people there are random issues that may arise. One issue that often comes into play is nutty beliefs about traffic rules that may not be applicable in the city that you currently live in. For example- a good friend and fellow BRIO member was told by her father when she first got out onto the road that it is legal for a woman driving alone after midnight to treat a red light as a stop sign. While this may be true in the city of New Orleans, she no longer lives there and has brought this belief to other cities with her, and in addition to this has changed it by claiming that it is legal to “run red lights”! So now she has taken to running red lights while drunk, and has been doing it for so long that it has become part of her auto-pilot system….
Another important issue is that you can’t try to add extra activities into the mix while drunk driving. Your brain/body are already working on overload trying to get your drunk ass home, so it may not be a good idea to add extra things for it to try to work around. For instance- I like to smoke when I drink… Well one evening I was driving home from a BRIO fellowship, and decided to smoke a clove while getting myself home. Bad idea. I lit the clove and started smoking, but the lit tip flew off and landed in my lap. Now we have a problem, my body is trying to maintain its “auto-pilot” status but now I have to get this flaming object out of my lap. I try to flick it off but then it rolls under my behind! What to do? I actually had to try to get this flaming ash from under my ass while trying to drive on the freeway and not kill myself or anyone else. It was a ridiculous site and I was lucky I was alone. Because I am sure the extra distraction of a passenger/person laughing would have guaranteed our death…
A second important issue is that you should only go out with people who love you, if you are with random folks or co-workers try not to get drunk. These people may either judge you or let you drive home in an unfit state because they believe your claims of “I’m ok”. Sadly I have another personal story of how this is important. At another BRIO fellowship things got out of hand (as usual) and I got REALLY drunk. At some point I decided that I needed to get home, and was going to drive myself. Well I couldn’t even stand up straight and when I was told by my other BRIO members that I was way to drunk I got indignant and insisted that I was leaving. They were not going to let this happen, thankfully. They decided to “test” me, and asked me to touch my nose and I began flipping them off, they asked me to walk a straight line, and I began to “second line”. So they rightfully decided that I was not going to drive, well I was not going for it and began cursing them out which they found very entertaining, all this said I was dropped off at my house and was grateful the next morning when the story was told back to me over lunch. Had I been with people who didn’t care about me, or people who would have taken my comments personally I may have been found dead in a ditch.
So back to my point- there are rules that need to be abided when driving drunk. Please follow them. It not only benefits you, but also the other numerous drunk drivers on the road. I know that no one likes to acknowledge the fact that this is common but it is. Who else is roaming the streets after 12am on a Friday or Saturday night, not sober people… They are people just like you either leaving some bar or going to another drinking spot. For all of our sakes, be a smart drunk. If you don’t have the “auto-pilot” phenomena don’t drive, if the road is moving- don’t drive, if you can’t stand up- don’t drive.
Thanks, and happy drinking
Disclaimer: Ok, so this is in no way a letter proponing drunk driving, it is merely a discussion. These are the author’s thoughts, and if you don’t agree or if they make you angry- you don’t have to read it.
Mostly everyone has been to the club or out drinking and has decided to drive themselves home. Most people who do this are drunk. You don’t’ feel incapable of driving, and actually believe that you drive BETTER while in this drunken state. No one protests you driving yourself because everyone else with you is doing it too. They may actually let you drive them because they too have more faith in your drunk driving abilities.
Let’s just be real, who really goes out with people and expects someone to be a designated driver? I don’t wanna go out with people who don’t drink with me, because then the crazy antics and tomfoolery that happens while out will be lost on them and will just end up pissing me off… Unless this is an unnaturally fun person, it just won’t work. Also I don’t need some sober person judging me in my drunkenness… And this is what typically happens when a person in the group is not a drinker like the rest. No one likes to be told how drunk or stupid they are at the time, this is to be discussed and laughed at the next day!
Ok so, the night is over you are leaving the outing and you get in your car, then its like magic happens- you end up home, safe and in one piece. It’s like your body has an “auto-pilot” setting that just clicks on. You get home and realize how drunk you were and marvel at the fact that you got home, or you wake up and have this realization….Either way it’s a great feeling. Now what sucks is when this “auto-pilot” does not kick on and you actually feel drunk and seem to see the ground moving, this is when you need to call in a less drunk friend to save you- don’t ever drive in this circumstance! Now some people don’t have this ability, but most people know and accept this, or if you know you are going to have a particularly rowdy night, you may ride with another person in hopes that they won’t be as drunk as you and can get you both to someone’s home safely.
Why does this “auto-pilot” thing happen? Is it just our body “manning-up” for the situation? Does our brain for some reason realize that its needs to recover its capabilities for the short drive home? I don’t have the answer- all I know is that I am grateful that it happens.
Often with drunk people there are random issues that may arise. One issue that often comes into play is nutty beliefs about traffic rules that may not be applicable in the city that you currently live in. For example- a good friend and fellow BRIO member was told by her father when she first got out onto the road that it is legal for a woman driving alone after midnight to treat a red light as a stop sign. While this may be true in the city of New Orleans, she no longer lives there and has brought this belief to other cities with her, and in addition to this has changed it by claiming that it is legal to “run red lights”! So now she has taken to running red lights while drunk, and has been doing it for so long that it has become part of her auto-pilot system….
Another important issue is that you can’t try to add extra activities into the mix while drunk driving. Your brain/body are already working on overload trying to get your drunk ass home, so it may not be a good idea to add extra things for it to try to work around. For instance- I like to smoke when I drink… Well one evening I was driving home from a BRIO fellowship, and decided to smoke a clove while getting myself home. Bad idea. I lit the clove and started smoking, but the lit tip flew off and landed in my lap. Now we have a problem, my body is trying to maintain its “auto-pilot” status but now I have to get this flaming object out of my lap. I try to flick it off but then it rolls under my behind! What to do? I actually had to try to get this flaming ash from under my ass while trying to drive on the freeway and not kill myself or anyone else. It was a ridiculous site and I was lucky I was alone. Because I am sure the extra distraction of a passenger/person laughing would have guaranteed our death…
A second important issue is that you should only go out with people who love you, if you are with random folks or co-workers try not to get drunk. These people may either judge you or let you drive home in an unfit state because they believe your claims of “I’m ok”. Sadly I have another personal story of how this is important. At another BRIO fellowship things got out of hand (as usual) and I got REALLY drunk. At some point I decided that I needed to get home, and was going to drive myself. Well I couldn’t even stand up straight and when I was told by my other BRIO members that I was way to drunk I got indignant and insisted that I was leaving. They were not going to let this happen, thankfully. They decided to “test” me, and asked me to touch my nose and I began flipping them off, they asked me to walk a straight line, and I began to “second line”. So they rightfully decided that I was not going to drive, well I was not going for it and began cursing them out which they found very entertaining, all this said I was dropped off at my house and was grateful the next morning when the story was told back to me over lunch. Had I been with people who didn’t care about me, or people who would have taken my comments personally I may have been found dead in a ditch.
So back to my point- there are rules that need to be abided when driving drunk. Please follow them. It not only benefits you, but also the other numerous drunk drivers on the road. I know that no one likes to acknowledge the fact that this is common but it is. Who else is roaming the streets after 12am on a Friday or Saturday night, not sober people… They are people just like you either leaving some bar or going to another drinking spot. For all of our sakes, be a smart drunk. If you don’t have the “auto-pilot” phenomena don’t drive, if the road is moving- don’t drive, if you can’t stand up- don’t drive.
Thanks, and happy drinking
Hoe Sit Down- Jam Session
Various media as well as personal events have prompted myself and others to coin the term 'Sit Down.' Have you ever had the experience of someone blowing the importance of something completely out of proportion? That's when you tell them to sit down. For example, some friends and I are planning to take a ski trip in January. As someone who gets cold when temperatures fall below 70 degrees, I plan to stay inside a luxurious cabin preferably near the Jacuzzi at all times and care very little about outside "ski" related issues. When I told my boyfriend we were looking into some places in Lake Tahoe, he replied "We can't go there because they have bad snow." Bad snow? Growing up in Louisiana, I didn't even snow there were variations in types of snow but whatever. He doesn't ski, nor do I. So why should snow quality be an issue. He then goes on to say, "Well I snowboard." (FYI: He last snowboarded in 1994). This is a classic example of someone who needs to sit down.
Telling someone to sit down equates to saying "chill out," "get over yourself," or otherwise "stop pestering me about things that don't matter." Most recently, the mainstream person I need most to sit down is Kanye West. Perhaps you've heard this gentleman's recent rant about being nominated for several yet winning no MTV awards. If you haven't had the pleasure, please let me to highly suggest you view it on you tube. During what can only be described as a rant, he complains (seeming near the point of tears) that he has the #1 album, he's trying the best he can, and MTV needs to give a black man a chance. All of this over a moonman? Really? Sit down Kanye. We're talking about an award that equates to nothing more than being the most liked by teenagers. This is worth evoking a revitalization of the civil rights movement? Get over yourself, and please sit down.
Relatedly, I'd really like 50 cent to sit down with his "I'll retire if Kanye outsells me" mantra. I'm glad he's wisely backed down from that comment or clearly we've seen the last of Curtis (except for vitamin water commercials of course). It amazed me that people were really debating about who would outsell who. Of course Kanye was going to outsell 50. Kanye is hot right now and 50 hasn't had a good record since his first one and thus needed to sit down from the get go. While I recognize this whole "Kanye vs. 50" debate was a clever marketing scheme to promote record sales for both albums, I'm still irritated on principle since it was never even a competition. Now in a few months Mariah and Mary J. will be releasing albums on the same day and that one should be a shoot out.
You know who else I'd like to see firmly place their bottom in a chair, Brittany Spears. So she goes on the MTV awards completely ill-prepared and wearing perhaps the most unflattering costume possible for her body and then wants to cry and say the performance was awful and she looked fat. Well, yeah. From what I've read, MTV personnel and stylists implored her to: a.) wear something else and b.) put down the margarita while rehearsing. She obviously chose to do neither and wants to have a hissy fit when she looks like a complete fool on national television. Brittany, tighten up and most importantly sit down.
This remarkable phrase was born from the visual of someone standing up and loudly making a fuss where there should be none and when it is completely unwarranted, unnecessary, or preventable. But it doesn't stop there. No my friends, sitting down means so much more than that. It extends to those situations that are for lack of a better word, stupid. For example, R&B sensation Usher is a handsome, seemingly fun (although he's probably quite full of him), successful bachelor…or at least he was. That was before he fell for his late 30s or 40 something year old stylist/make-up artist who already has 3 kids. This situation is so unbelievable to me because it's not just that she's older (although I'll admit that's a big part of it) but she's such an average older woman, it boggles the mind that this is who he's settled on. I feel like my aunt could be married to Usher since bootyliciousness is clearly not at all a factor in his selection. Now certainly I'm in no position to dictate who Usher or anyone else loves. But he's got to admit that they are a bit of an odd couple. And it's the fact that he won't acknowledge this obvious and simple truth that prompts me to request he grab the seat of a chair with his derriere.
Look around, there are people all around you standing when they shouldn't be, yelling when it's unnecessary, and complaining when they should be chilling out. Guy said it best with their hit smash "Let's Chill." The song could just as easily have been titled "Sit Down."
Telling someone to sit down equates to saying "chill out," "get over yourself," or otherwise "stop pestering me about things that don't matter." Most recently, the mainstream person I need most to sit down is Kanye West. Perhaps you've heard this gentleman's recent rant about being nominated for several yet winning no MTV awards. If you haven't had the pleasure, please let me to highly suggest you view it on you tube. During what can only be described as a rant, he complains (seeming near the point of tears) that he has the #1 album, he's trying the best he can, and MTV needs to give a black man a chance. All of this over a moonman? Really? Sit down Kanye. We're talking about an award that equates to nothing more than being the most liked by teenagers. This is worth evoking a revitalization of the civil rights movement? Get over yourself, and please sit down.
Relatedly, I'd really like 50 cent to sit down with his "I'll retire if Kanye outsells me" mantra. I'm glad he's wisely backed down from that comment or clearly we've seen the last of Curtis (except for vitamin water commercials of course). It amazed me that people were really debating about who would outsell who. Of course Kanye was going to outsell 50. Kanye is hot right now and 50 hasn't had a good record since his first one and thus needed to sit down from the get go. While I recognize this whole "Kanye vs. 50" debate was a clever marketing scheme to promote record sales for both albums, I'm still irritated on principle since it was never even a competition. Now in a few months Mariah and Mary J. will be releasing albums on the same day and that one should be a shoot out.
You know who else I'd like to see firmly place their bottom in a chair, Brittany Spears. So she goes on the MTV awards completely ill-prepared and wearing perhaps the most unflattering costume possible for her body and then wants to cry and say the performance was awful and she looked fat. Well, yeah. From what I've read, MTV personnel and stylists implored her to: a.) wear something else and b.) put down the margarita while rehearsing. She obviously chose to do neither and wants to have a hissy fit when she looks like a complete fool on national television. Brittany, tighten up and most importantly sit down.
This remarkable phrase was born from the visual of someone standing up and loudly making a fuss where there should be none and when it is completely unwarranted, unnecessary, or preventable. But it doesn't stop there. No my friends, sitting down means so much more than that. It extends to those situations that are for lack of a better word, stupid. For example, R&B sensation Usher is a handsome, seemingly fun (although he's probably quite full of him), successful bachelor…or at least he was. That was before he fell for his late 30s or 40 something year old stylist/make-up artist who already has 3 kids. This situation is so unbelievable to me because it's not just that she's older (although I'll admit that's a big part of it) but she's such an average older woman, it boggles the mind that this is who he's settled on. I feel like my aunt could be married to Usher since bootyliciousness is clearly not at all a factor in his selection. Now certainly I'm in no position to dictate who Usher or anyone else loves. But he's got to admit that they are a bit of an odd couple. And it's the fact that he won't acknowledge this obvious and simple truth that prompts me to request he grab the seat of a chair with his derriere.
Look around, there are people all around you standing when they shouldn't be, yelling when it's unnecessary, and complaining when they should be chilling out. Guy said it best with their hit smash "Let's Chill." The song could just as easily have been titled "Sit Down."
Space Age Pimpin'- Slo Mo
A couple of weeks ago, I was laying on my couch watching one of my all-time favorite documentaries, “Hookers on the Point”. Sadly, I must admit that I have seen every installment of this series and found myself very interested in the updates about the various “working girls” who had planned to get out of the business during the last episode but are still walking the streets years later. In between the very shallow, voyeuristic enjoyment I got from hearing their stories and marveling at how bluntly they negotiated the fees for their services, I had an occasional substantive thought about what this show, its participants, and the ideas expressed therein say about our society. But then I’d quickly get sucked right back into the superficial, guilty pleasure provided by the show, secure in knowing that since I’m not a prostitute, these issues hardly affect me…
The next day I was doing a little online shopping for some humorous graphic tee-shirts. On one particular website, you could search for products by different groupings that correspond to races/ethnicities, countries, sports, music genres, etc. I searched under “hip hop” and “black” just to see what I came up with. I was delighted and entertained by the first couple of funny sayings that I could get beautifully screen-printed on a baby-tee. But then I realized that there were pages and pages of sayings and images that referenced prostitution and the entrepreneurial spirit behind the world’s oldest profession – The Pimp.
Perhaps even before the era of “Blacksploitation” films, we have been developing an ever-increasing fascination for pimp culture. It’s interesting how young black people will rarely go so far as to suggest that it’s acceptable or admirable for a young woman to be a bona fide hooker, and being called a hoe is almost always a bad thing. Yet what better accolade can a young black man receive from his contemporaries than to be labeled as a pimp? Think of what the title implies…money, clout, sex, and the power of persuasion over women. What more can a young man want?
Then I started thinking about how “P-I-M-P-ology” has permeated hip hop culture in the last 10 – 20 years. Ice T, 8 Ball and MJG, Snoop, Bishop Don Magic Juan, Outkast, UGK, and other highly popular artists and public personalities have images carefully fashioned after the ways of The Pimp. Their clothes, their language, their swagger…but it makes sense when you consider the skill that it would take to make a woman want to stand on street corners, give blow jobs to random men night in and night out, then turn over the proceeds to their “Daddy”. It’s remarkable actually. Most pimps would probably make good sales executives because they can clearly make a bitch buy anything!
So I then had to re-evaluate my initial belief that what happens on some far away street corner doesn’t affect me…
The truth is that it does affect me. Every time I’m spoken to disrespectfully or expected to sleep with a man if he buys me two good dinners. Or every time I think about how I barely even notice when words like “hoe”, “bitch-slap”, or “trick” get uttered in casual conversation. Or every time I see a young woman act as if the most valuable thing she has to contribute to the world is under her skirt.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean to sound preachy. Because the fact remains that I’m probably not going to do much about it. I’ll still twerk somethin’ in the club to most explicit songs. I’ll still bump misogynistic rap in my car as long as the track is hot. And I’ll still watch “Pimps Up, Hoes Down” the next time it comes on…may even invite some friends over and make a party of it! I know better, but I won’t do better. I know that it’s probably not “right”, but I’ll do it anyway.
When you think about it, maybe that’s the truest essence of The Pimp – the power to make a woman do anything, even when she knows she shouldn’t.
The next day I was doing a little online shopping for some humorous graphic tee-shirts. On one particular website, you could search for products by different groupings that correspond to races/ethnicities, countries, sports, music genres, etc. I searched under “hip hop” and “black” just to see what I came up with. I was delighted and entertained by the first couple of funny sayings that I could get beautifully screen-printed on a baby-tee. But then I realized that there were pages and pages of sayings and images that referenced prostitution and the entrepreneurial spirit behind the world’s oldest profession – The Pimp.
Perhaps even before the era of “Blacksploitation” films, we have been developing an ever-increasing fascination for pimp culture. It’s interesting how young black people will rarely go so far as to suggest that it’s acceptable or admirable for a young woman to be a bona fide hooker, and being called a hoe is almost always a bad thing. Yet what better accolade can a young black man receive from his contemporaries than to be labeled as a pimp? Think of what the title implies…money, clout, sex, and the power of persuasion over women. What more can a young man want?
Then I started thinking about how “P-I-M-P-ology” has permeated hip hop culture in the last 10 – 20 years. Ice T, 8 Ball and MJG, Snoop, Bishop Don Magic Juan, Outkast, UGK, and other highly popular artists and public personalities have images carefully fashioned after the ways of The Pimp. Their clothes, their language, their swagger…but it makes sense when you consider the skill that it would take to make a woman want to stand on street corners, give blow jobs to random men night in and night out, then turn over the proceeds to their “Daddy”. It’s remarkable actually. Most pimps would probably make good sales executives because they can clearly make a bitch buy anything!
So I then had to re-evaluate my initial belief that what happens on some far away street corner doesn’t affect me…
The truth is that it does affect me. Every time I’m spoken to disrespectfully or expected to sleep with a man if he buys me two good dinners. Or every time I think about how I barely even notice when words like “hoe”, “bitch-slap”, or “trick” get uttered in casual conversation. Or every time I see a young woman act as if the most valuable thing she has to contribute to the world is under her skirt.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean to sound preachy. Because the fact remains that I’m probably not going to do much about it. I’ll still twerk somethin’ in the club to most explicit songs. I’ll still bump misogynistic rap in my car as long as the track is hot. And I’ll still watch “Pimps Up, Hoes Down” the next time it comes on…may even invite some friends over and make a party of it! I know better, but I won’t do better. I know that it’s probably not “right”, but I’ll do it anyway.
When you think about it, maybe that’s the truest essence of The Pimp – the power to make a woman do anything, even when she knows she shouldn’t.
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