I want to discuss the phenomena of drunk driving…
Disclaimer: Ok, so this is in no way a letter proponing drunk driving, it is merely a discussion. These are the author’s thoughts, and if you don’t agree or if they make you angry- you don’t have to read it.
Mostly everyone has been to the club or out drinking and has decided to drive themselves home. Most people who do this are drunk. You don’t’ feel incapable of driving, and actually believe that you drive BETTER while in this drunken state. No one protests you driving yourself because everyone else with you is doing it too. They may actually let you drive them because they too have more faith in your drunk driving abilities.
Let’s just be real, who really goes out with people and expects someone to be a designated driver? I don’t wanna go out with people who don’t drink with me, because then the crazy antics and tomfoolery that happens while out will be lost on them and will just end up pissing me off… Unless this is an unnaturally fun person, it just won’t work. Also I don’t need some sober person judging me in my drunkenness… And this is what typically happens when a person in the group is not a drinker like the rest. No one likes to be told how drunk or stupid they are at the time, this is to be discussed and laughed at the next day!
Ok so, the night is over you are leaving the outing and you get in your car, then its like magic happens- you end up home, safe and in one piece. It’s like your body has an “auto-pilot” setting that just clicks on. You get home and realize how drunk you were and marvel at the fact that you got home, or you wake up and have this realization….Either way it’s a great feeling. Now what sucks is when this “auto-pilot” does not kick on and you actually feel drunk and seem to see the ground moving, this is when you need to call in a less drunk friend to save you- don’t ever drive in this circumstance! Now some people don’t have this ability, but most people know and accept this, or if you know you are going to have a particularly rowdy night, you may ride with another person in hopes that they won’t be as drunk as you and can get you both to someone’s home safely.
Why does this “auto-pilot” thing happen? Is it just our body “manning-up” for the situation? Does our brain for some reason realize that its needs to recover its capabilities for the short drive home? I don’t have the answer- all I know is that I am grateful that it happens.
Often with drunk people there are random issues that may arise. One issue that often comes into play is nutty beliefs about traffic rules that may not be applicable in the city that you currently live in. For example- a good friend and fellow BRIO member was told by her father when she first got out onto the road that it is legal for a woman driving alone after midnight to treat a red light as a stop sign. While this may be true in the city of New Orleans, she no longer lives there and has brought this belief to other cities with her, and in addition to this has changed it by claiming that it is legal to “run red lights”! So now she has taken to running red lights while drunk, and has been doing it for so long that it has become part of her auto-pilot system….
Another important issue is that you can’t try to add extra activities into the mix while drunk driving. Your brain/body are already working on overload trying to get your drunk ass home, so it may not be a good idea to add extra things for it to try to work around. For instance- I like to smoke when I drink… Well one evening I was driving home from a BRIO fellowship, and decided to smoke a clove while getting myself home. Bad idea. I lit the clove and started smoking, but the lit tip flew off and landed in my lap. Now we have a problem, my body is trying to maintain its “auto-pilot” status but now I have to get this flaming object out of my lap. I try to flick it off but then it rolls under my behind! What to do? I actually had to try to get this flaming ash from under my ass while trying to drive on the freeway and not kill myself or anyone else. It was a ridiculous site and I was lucky I was alone. Because I am sure the extra distraction of a passenger/person laughing would have guaranteed our death…
A second important issue is that you should only go out with people who love you, if you are with random folks or co-workers try not to get drunk. These people may either judge you or let you drive home in an unfit state because they believe your claims of “I’m ok”. Sadly I have another personal story of how this is important. At another BRIO fellowship things got out of hand (as usual) and I got REALLY drunk. At some point I decided that I needed to get home, and was going to drive myself. Well I couldn’t even stand up straight and when I was told by my other BRIO members that I was way to drunk I got indignant and insisted that I was leaving. They were not going to let this happen, thankfully. They decided to “test” me, and asked me to touch my nose and I began flipping them off, they asked me to walk a straight line, and I began to “second line”. So they rightfully decided that I was not going to drive, well I was not going for it and began cursing them out which they found very entertaining, all this said I was dropped off at my house and was grateful the next morning when the story was told back to me over lunch. Had I been with people who didn’t care about me, or people who would have taken my comments personally I may have been found dead in a ditch.
So back to my point- there are rules that need to be abided when driving drunk. Please follow them. It not only benefits you, but also the other numerous drunk drivers on the road. I know that no one likes to acknowledge the fact that this is common but it is. Who else is roaming the streets after 12am on a Friday or Saturday night, not sober people… They are people just like you either leaving some bar or going to another drinking spot. For all of our sakes, be a smart drunk. If you don’t have the “auto-pilot” phenomena don’t drive, if the road is moving- don’t drive, if you can’t stand up- don’t drive.
Thanks, and happy drinking
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Hoe Sit Down- Jam Session
Various media as well as personal events have prompted myself and others to coin the term 'Sit Down.' Have you ever had the experience of someone blowing the importance of something completely out of proportion? That's when you tell them to sit down. For example, some friends and I are planning to take a ski trip in January. As someone who gets cold when temperatures fall below 70 degrees, I plan to stay inside a luxurious cabin preferably near the Jacuzzi at all times and care very little about outside "ski" related issues. When I told my boyfriend we were looking into some places in Lake Tahoe, he replied "We can't go there because they have bad snow." Bad snow? Growing up in Louisiana, I didn't even snow there were variations in types of snow but whatever. He doesn't ski, nor do I. So why should snow quality be an issue. He then goes on to say, "Well I snowboard." (FYI: He last snowboarded in 1994). This is a classic example of someone who needs to sit down.
Telling someone to sit down equates to saying "chill out," "get over yourself," or otherwise "stop pestering me about things that don't matter." Most recently, the mainstream person I need most to sit down is Kanye West. Perhaps you've heard this gentleman's recent rant about being nominated for several yet winning no MTV awards. If you haven't had the pleasure, please let me to highly suggest you view it on you tube. During what can only be described as a rant, he complains (seeming near the point of tears) that he has the #1 album, he's trying the best he can, and MTV needs to give a black man a chance. All of this over a moonman? Really? Sit down Kanye. We're talking about an award that equates to nothing more than being the most liked by teenagers. This is worth evoking a revitalization of the civil rights movement? Get over yourself, and please sit down.
Relatedly, I'd really like 50 cent to sit down with his "I'll retire if Kanye outsells me" mantra. I'm glad he's wisely backed down from that comment or clearly we've seen the last of Curtis (except for vitamin water commercials of course). It amazed me that people were really debating about who would outsell who. Of course Kanye was going to outsell 50. Kanye is hot right now and 50 hasn't had a good record since his first one and thus needed to sit down from the get go. While I recognize this whole "Kanye vs. 50" debate was a clever marketing scheme to promote record sales for both albums, I'm still irritated on principle since it was never even a competition. Now in a few months Mariah and Mary J. will be releasing albums on the same day and that one should be a shoot out.
You know who else I'd like to see firmly place their bottom in a chair, Brittany Spears. So she goes on the MTV awards completely ill-prepared and wearing perhaps the most unflattering costume possible for her body and then wants to cry and say the performance was awful and she looked fat. Well, yeah. From what I've read, MTV personnel and stylists implored her to: a.) wear something else and b.) put down the margarita while rehearsing. She obviously chose to do neither and wants to have a hissy fit when she looks like a complete fool on national television. Brittany, tighten up and most importantly sit down.
This remarkable phrase was born from the visual of someone standing up and loudly making a fuss where there should be none and when it is completely unwarranted, unnecessary, or preventable. But it doesn't stop there. No my friends, sitting down means so much more than that. It extends to those situations that are for lack of a better word, stupid. For example, R&B sensation Usher is a handsome, seemingly fun (although he's probably quite full of him), successful bachelor…or at least he was. That was before he fell for his late 30s or 40 something year old stylist/make-up artist who already has 3 kids. This situation is so unbelievable to me because it's not just that she's older (although I'll admit that's a big part of it) but she's such an average older woman, it boggles the mind that this is who he's settled on. I feel like my aunt could be married to Usher since bootyliciousness is clearly not at all a factor in his selection. Now certainly I'm in no position to dictate who Usher or anyone else loves. But he's got to admit that they are a bit of an odd couple. And it's the fact that he won't acknowledge this obvious and simple truth that prompts me to request he grab the seat of a chair with his derriere.
Look around, there are people all around you standing when they shouldn't be, yelling when it's unnecessary, and complaining when they should be chilling out. Guy said it best with their hit smash "Let's Chill." The song could just as easily have been titled "Sit Down."
Telling someone to sit down equates to saying "chill out," "get over yourself," or otherwise "stop pestering me about things that don't matter." Most recently, the mainstream person I need most to sit down is Kanye West. Perhaps you've heard this gentleman's recent rant about being nominated for several yet winning no MTV awards. If you haven't had the pleasure, please let me to highly suggest you view it on you tube. During what can only be described as a rant, he complains (seeming near the point of tears) that he has the #1 album, he's trying the best he can, and MTV needs to give a black man a chance. All of this over a moonman? Really? Sit down Kanye. We're talking about an award that equates to nothing more than being the most liked by teenagers. This is worth evoking a revitalization of the civil rights movement? Get over yourself, and please sit down.
Relatedly, I'd really like 50 cent to sit down with his "I'll retire if Kanye outsells me" mantra. I'm glad he's wisely backed down from that comment or clearly we've seen the last of Curtis (except for vitamin water commercials of course). It amazed me that people were really debating about who would outsell who. Of course Kanye was going to outsell 50. Kanye is hot right now and 50 hasn't had a good record since his first one and thus needed to sit down from the get go. While I recognize this whole "Kanye vs. 50" debate was a clever marketing scheme to promote record sales for both albums, I'm still irritated on principle since it was never even a competition. Now in a few months Mariah and Mary J. will be releasing albums on the same day and that one should be a shoot out.
You know who else I'd like to see firmly place their bottom in a chair, Brittany Spears. So she goes on the MTV awards completely ill-prepared and wearing perhaps the most unflattering costume possible for her body and then wants to cry and say the performance was awful and she looked fat. Well, yeah. From what I've read, MTV personnel and stylists implored her to: a.) wear something else and b.) put down the margarita while rehearsing. She obviously chose to do neither and wants to have a hissy fit when she looks like a complete fool on national television. Brittany, tighten up and most importantly sit down.
This remarkable phrase was born from the visual of someone standing up and loudly making a fuss where there should be none and when it is completely unwarranted, unnecessary, or preventable. But it doesn't stop there. No my friends, sitting down means so much more than that. It extends to those situations that are for lack of a better word, stupid. For example, R&B sensation Usher is a handsome, seemingly fun (although he's probably quite full of him), successful bachelor…or at least he was. That was before he fell for his late 30s or 40 something year old stylist/make-up artist who already has 3 kids. This situation is so unbelievable to me because it's not just that she's older (although I'll admit that's a big part of it) but she's such an average older woman, it boggles the mind that this is who he's settled on. I feel like my aunt could be married to Usher since bootyliciousness is clearly not at all a factor in his selection. Now certainly I'm in no position to dictate who Usher or anyone else loves. But he's got to admit that they are a bit of an odd couple. And it's the fact that he won't acknowledge this obvious and simple truth that prompts me to request he grab the seat of a chair with his derriere.
Look around, there are people all around you standing when they shouldn't be, yelling when it's unnecessary, and complaining when they should be chilling out. Guy said it best with their hit smash "Let's Chill." The song could just as easily have been titled "Sit Down."
Space Age Pimpin'- Slo Mo
A couple of weeks ago, I was laying on my couch watching one of my all-time favorite documentaries, “Hookers on the Point”. Sadly, I must admit that I have seen every installment of this series and found myself very interested in the updates about the various “working girls” who had planned to get out of the business during the last episode but are still walking the streets years later. In between the very shallow, voyeuristic enjoyment I got from hearing their stories and marveling at how bluntly they negotiated the fees for their services, I had an occasional substantive thought about what this show, its participants, and the ideas expressed therein say about our society. But then I’d quickly get sucked right back into the superficial, guilty pleasure provided by the show, secure in knowing that since I’m not a prostitute, these issues hardly affect me…
The next day I was doing a little online shopping for some humorous graphic tee-shirts. On one particular website, you could search for products by different groupings that correspond to races/ethnicities, countries, sports, music genres, etc. I searched under “hip hop” and “black” just to see what I came up with. I was delighted and entertained by the first couple of funny sayings that I could get beautifully screen-printed on a baby-tee. But then I realized that there were pages and pages of sayings and images that referenced prostitution and the entrepreneurial spirit behind the world’s oldest profession – The Pimp.
Perhaps even before the era of “Blacksploitation” films, we have been developing an ever-increasing fascination for pimp culture. It’s interesting how young black people will rarely go so far as to suggest that it’s acceptable or admirable for a young woman to be a bona fide hooker, and being called a hoe is almost always a bad thing. Yet what better accolade can a young black man receive from his contemporaries than to be labeled as a pimp? Think of what the title implies…money, clout, sex, and the power of persuasion over women. What more can a young man want?
Then I started thinking about how “P-I-M-P-ology” has permeated hip hop culture in the last 10 – 20 years. Ice T, 8 Ball and MJG, Snoop, Bishop Don Magic Juan, Outkast, UGK, and other highly popular artists and public personalities have images carefully fashioned after the ways of The Pimp. Their clothes, their language, their swagger…but it makes sense when you consider the skill that it would take to make a woman want to stand on street corners, give blow jobs to random men night in and night out, then turn over the proceeds to their “Daddy”. It’s remarkable actually. Most pimps would probably make good sales executives because they can clearly make a bitch buy anything!
So I then had to re-evaluate my initial belief that what happens on some far away street corner doesn’t affect me…
The truth is that it does affect me. Every time I’m spoken to disrespectfully or expected to sleep with a man if he buys me two good dinners. Or every time I think about how I barely even notice when words like “hoe”, “bitch-slap”, or “trick” get uttered in casual conversation. Or every time I see a young woman act as if the most valuable thing she has to contribute to the world is under her skirt.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean to sound preachy. Because the fact remains that I’m probably not going to do much about it. I’ll still twerk somethin’ in the club to most explicit songs. I’ll still bump misogynistic rap in my car as long as the track is hot. And I’ll still watch “Pimps Up, Hoes Down” the next time it comes on…may even invite some friends over and make a party of it! I know better, but I won’t do better. I know that it’s probably not “right”, but I’ll do it anyway.
When you think about it, maybe that’s the truest essence of The Pimp – the power to make a woman do anything, even when she knows she shouldn’t.
The next day I was doing a little online shopping for some humorous graphic tee-shirts. On one particular website, you could search for products by different groupings that correspond to races/ethnicities, countries, sports, music genres, etc. I searched under “hip hop” and “black” just to see what I came up with. I was delighted and entertained by the first couple of funny sayings that I could get beautifully screen-printed on a baby-tee. But then I realized that there were pages and pages of sayings and images that referenced prostitution and the entrepreneurial spirit behind the world’s oldest profession – The Pimp.
Perhaps even before the era of “Blacksploitation” films, we have been developing an ever-increasing fascination for pimp culture. It’s interesting how young black people will rarely go so far as to suggest that it’s acceptable or admirable for a young woman to be a bona fide hooker, and being called a hoe is almost always a bad thing. Yet what better accolade can a young black man receive from his contemporaries than to be labeled as a pimp? Think of what the title implies…money, clout, sex, and the power of persuasion over women. What more can a young man want?
Then I started thinking about how “P-I-M-P-ology” has permeated hip hop culture in the last 10 – 20 years. Ice T, 8 Ball and MJG, Snoop, Bishop Don Magic Juan, Outkast, UGK, and other highly popular artists and public personalities have images carefully fashioned after the ways of The Pimp. Their clothes, their language, their swagger…but it makes sense when you consider the skill that it would take to make a woman want to stand on street corners, give blow jobs to random men night in and night out, then turn over the proceeds to their “Daddy”. It’s remarkable actually. Most pimps would probably make good sales executives because they can clearly make a bitch buy anything!
So I then had to re-evaluate my initial belief that what happens on some far away street corner doesn’t affect me…
The truth is that it does affect me. Every time I’m spoken to disrespectfully or expected to sleep with a man if he buys me two good dinners. Or every time I think about how I barely even notice when words like “hoe”, “bitch-slap”, or “trick” get uttered in casual conversation. Or every time I see a young woman act as if the most valuable thing she has to contribute to the world is under her skirt.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean to sound preachy. Because the fact remains that I’m probably not going to do much about it. I’ll still twerk somethin’ in the club to most explicit songs. I’ll still bump misogynistic rap in my car as long as the track is hot. And I’ll still watch “Pimps Up, Hoes Down” the next time it comes on…may even invite some friends over and make a party of it! I know better, but I won’t do better. I know that it’s probably not “right”, but I’ll do it anyway.
When you think about it, maybe that’s the truest essence of The Pimp – the power to make a woman do anything, even when she knows she shouldn’t.
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