It gets worse: The Hot Boy

Another well meaning friend does me a “favor” and introduces me to an old friend of hers from high school. We meet up one Friday for drinks, nice guy, decent looking, a little hood but ok… As the night goes on I realize this is not gonna be a love match, but we can probably hang out and I will invite him to go out with me and my people. Unfortunately, this kind hearted friend decided to push the matter and stalk both of us about dating each other. I think this made him think that I was feeling him more than I really was.

Not two days after meeting him, I start getting “I mi$$ u” texts. Oh and that’s how he writes. “ñ, 4$ho, str8”… WHY LAWD WHY?? Because I have a kind soul, I was going to chalk these things up and still try to be his friend. I figured if I didn’t respond to the foolish “I miss u” crap, then he would stop. He did not. So then I was like “knock it off”… didn’t end the madness. It only increased. I start getting phone calls 85 times a day and questions like “what we doing tonight”…. Errrr not sure what you doing but I have plans with my friends. At this point I am over him and his craziness and five whole days had not even passed. BTW it only 5 days have passed!

Oh, let me back track here. When I met him he had these giant earrings on, and to me they looked like bows. I realize that they are actually the "comedy/tragedy" masks with bling in them. In both ears, mind you. As we left the bar, I notice that he had a mid 90's gold caddy pimped out. Pair this with a receding hairline and a waistline that was doing quite the opposite. Annnnnnnnd man breasts. 

Also he kept complaining that police seemed to pull him over for no reason, I mentioned that maybe it was his car. And he seemed stunned. I am like you have a d-boy car, so why wouldn't they harrass you. I could tell this hit a nerve, and kind of backed down. Although logically it makes all the sense in the world. He started a rant about how black people can't ever have nice things, cuz the man is ready and waiting to knock them back down. yep... that's what it is...

*As you were*

Exactly one week from meeting him, there is a New Orleans party at the HOB. I go with some of my people and we have a great time! Except… Hot Boy shows up all in my face and since I suppose I wasn’t as enthused as he would like so he decided to “show me” by hollering and getting on every broad he could find. Do you my nig… I am over here not tripping and having fun. I guess he didn’t like this either because he would routinely go back in forth from being in my face to getting his mack on. Sir please go live your life. UGHHHHHHHHHHHH

Dating is wack: The Lurker

A guy I have known for years, who I know through my ex- contacted me randomly. So we start chatting, with more and more frequency. Eventually he mentions that he has always had a crush on me and I liked him too, so we decided to go on a date. I won’t lie we had a great time. He was always very gentlemanly and kind. But I started noticing that something was off with him. Time goes on, and we spend more time with each other and as much as I like him- something is still off. I can’t put my finger on what but that feeling stayed. After a few months he decides he isn’t ready to date seriously, and I am like “ok cool”. It gave me a nice out, because although I liked him I wasn't really sold on making something serious with him.

We stopped dating but stayed in touch. We meet up every now and then for lunch and chat every now and then. No problems, right? Well…. Since we run in the same circle, I see him when we go out and its friendly- or so I thought, until I realized that he was becoming a cock blocker! At parties each time I see a guy eyeing me and give it back to them, here  comes the Lurker out the blue to stand next to me or talk. Womp womp…

So you don’t want to date me, but you don’t want me to date anyone else? How that work? You had your chance sir, and you decided it was a no. Why won’t you let me be great??

Things are definitely going to have to change on this front. Like Deborah Cox said “weeeeee caan’t bbbbeeeee friends”, not because I am in love but because you are apparently crazy.

Throwback Dating

Freshman year in college is a time of learning, about yourself and how you fit into the world around you. You experience a lot of new things, and meet a lot of new people. For most of us, it is the first time we have gotten to live away from the parents and that is an experience unto itself!

When I arrived to college, I realized I had been placed in a co-ed dorm. This wasn’t a huge deal to me, and I didn’t really speak to boys (or anyone I didn’t know) so I wasn’t worried about men being in my immediate vicinity being a distraction. This turned out to be a very false assumption.

About a month after starting school, I was washing clothes and some big fine country boy was playing pool by himself. We started chatting, and he seemed cool- he was on the basketball team and was from Fort Worth, TX. Which meant he was fine and southern, two things I like in a man. From then on I would see him out, and he would just stare at me until I spoke to him. It was odd, but I kind of like crazy folks so it intrigued me. He started walking me to class and I would hang out in his room with him or in mine. I guess per college standards we were dating.

Side note: my roomie was a very wonderful white gal named Barbie, she would come home TORE UP often, and couldn’t figure out how to use her key so I frequently left the door unlocked so I didn’t have to walk out and find her crumpled in front of our door.

So after a few months of seeing him, I realized he was quite the insane person. He would come into my room often without knocking and would eat mine and Barbie’s food. I would hear him coming down the hall singing Al Green songs, and just get annoyed. But at the same time, loved that he was nuts and something about the way he said “Aww Girl” in his Texas twang got me every time.

One night after a party on campus was over, I woke up in my bed for seemingly no good reason. Initally I was confused as to why I awoke but soon realized that the light was on, so I thought maybe Barbs had come home and I rolled over to look at her side of the room. Low and behold- what did I see? This fool sitting in my desk chair that he had pulled up next to my bed, while snacking on an apple he says “Aww girl, you even pretty when you sleep”… ummm what? Why? I just said thank you and he got up after a few minutes and left. This was actually the first time I started wondering if he was actually mentally unstable. SMH

Being a college relationship, time didn’t pass too long before I heard about him seeing someone else. So I stopped seeing him. This apparently didn’t stop him from creeping on me and coming into my room. I began seeing another guy, and one day while hanging out with him he asked me why he called my room the day before and dude answered the phone. I was totally outdone and confused!! Why WAS he in my room, answering my phone and had the nerve to not even leave me the messages… jerk.

Anywho, crazy man left campus after our freshman year and is apparently living in his home city. I have not seen him since moving to TX and am really ok with that. This was just a quick story that I think about and laugh, because who breaks into folks rooms to stare at them??? I have been dealing with crazy folks for quite a long time yall……

More Dating Woes:Red Caddy

Last year around this time, I was using online dating sites as a way to try to meet men outside of my circle. I met one, and we hit it off but somehow after talking on the phone things just didn’t work. Recently this man contacted me on the facebook, and we began chatting again. I couldn't recall what happened, or why we stopped talking so I figured what could it hurt by talking to him again. Soon a date was set up for us to meet and hang out.
We agreed to meet at a local brewery for lunch, and as I got out the car I noticed a red Cadillac pull up (circa 1995, not that that’s important) and I immediately knew that it was him. I briefly thought about getting back in my car and pulling off. I had time, but decided to just go on with the date.

After being seated, we chatted for a bit. It was familiar since we had talked on the phone for the past week or so. Out of the blue he says “I need to go blow my nose before this booger comes out on the table”… Uhh what now? I was like “Ok, handle your business”, and nervously laughed. When in reality I was grossed out, and confused as to why anyone would tell a woman that on their first date. I should have run out the door at this point, but I was invested in being polite. So lunch comes, we eat. He starts telling me about women he has gone out with recently, and how he meets a lot of women. Again- weird things to talk about with a woman you are currently on a date with. He recounts a tale about a recent date with a woman he had been seeing and she began crying for apparently no reason, and he asks her “are you on your period or something?” , then goes on to ask me if I am over emotional. At this point I just want the date to be over.
He goes on to tell me how he dislikes people who move to fast in relationships and create drama out of nothing. Blah, fine. Bring the check.

As soon as I am free, I leave thinking that nothing will ever come from this. I was not at all impressed, nor did I ever want to talk to him again. He sent a text over the weekend telling me about a stomach/gas issue he was experiencing, which was wholly inappropraite and gross. He called me a few days later and I didn’t answer due to being asleep, the next day he texted me while I was busy in the other room. Now I wasn’t trying to ignore him, I was legit busy. Apparently he believed I was fading him out, which I wasn’t planning to do. I was actually just gonna be like this aint working, holla. But I guess he did it for me. I came back to a “four page letter” telling me how he didn’t like to chase women, and how he thought he was stalking me by texting and having conversation, and that if I wanted this to be over I needed to just say it. My response? “Whoa dude, that was a really deep text. For someone who likes to take it slow you got real intense over seemingly nothing.” He never texted back, I guess he didn’t appreciate my snark.

Whatevs…

More Dating Woes: Friends Mean Well…

One of my good friends, who LOVES to hook people up recently decided to introduce me to one of her guy friends. This wasn’t the first time she introduced me to someone, and I am sure it won’t be the last. I know she means well, but these things never work out. LOL


The first guy I met through her, I can’t even blame her for. I was at her house for a party and met this lady she worked with. The lady promptly called her son and told him to come meet me. She refused to accept that I was 5 years older than this boy; he showed up and was adorable but young. Later he tried to talk to my sister who is more age appropriate for him, it still didn’t work.

The second guy was cool, but sent me too many dam pictures via text. Not like indecent pictures, just random pictures. I wasn’t used to that and wasn’t sure how to respond. I don’t like being put on the spot, so I didn’t appreciate the pressure that came from that. I mean do people understand how many shots are required to end up with a presentable picture? And who the hell just takes pics of them sitting in the car during their morning commute. No one needs to see me angrily yelling at dumb drivers during a ride that I hate has to happen. So alas, things fizzled due to my lack of picture sending.

The latest guy, ex-Canadian football player, works in property management, funny, attractive…
Obsessed with Canada.

We all met for sushi, had a good time laughing and joking. He is open to new foods, which I love. Also he drinks a lot, much like me. (I like people who don’t judge; you don’t have to drink as much as me, but please don’t get all judgey).

Anywho, we were having such a good time that I went back to his place with him to hang out more. At some point he mentioned how much he loved living in Vancouver. He showed me pictures, and it really was beautiful. But things began to get weird. I realized he had talked about Vancouver for at least 45 minutes. He was aggressively asking me if I “wanted those stamps on my passport”, and I was like “sure dude, seems like a nice place to visit”. That wasn’t enough for him. I was confused about his extreme enthusiasm and couldn’t share in it, so I decided to take my leave.

My sister believes that if I would have stayed, he may have drugged me and smuggled me off to Vancouver.

So yeah, that was that.

“Know When to Hold-em”, More Dating in DFW

So Ima back track on this dating thing real quick. When I first broke up with my longtime boyfriend, before the online dating and such- I began seeing a man who works in my building. It ended badly, and I should have walked away long before it went down that road. This is one of the lessons I have had to learn, “know when to hold-em, know when to fold-em”.
So one summer a tall, good looking brotha started working in my building and I made it my business to become friendly with him. Soon we were going to lunch and emailing each other little funny stuff. We had similar asshole tendencies so we liked to talk about/make fun of people we worked with. He enjoyed the same ignant music as I did, but was intelligent enough to talk politics. We kept hanging out outside of work and flirting and after a while it evolved into us actually dating.
We began seeing each other a large part of our time away from work, but not really going out. There was a lot of me and him holed up in one of our residences drinking and watching movies or sports. I do this alone so it wasn't a hug deal but I was tired of not EVER going anywhere. He was paranoid about people being in our business at work, so was against really going out into the world as a twosome. Red Flag you say? Not to me, I was like ok cool. (Dumb).

After about a year and half into this "relationship", he began going places with me. I was ecstatic, I just knew the tides were turning and we were on track to being a normal happy couple who actually do stuff together (outside the house). I had a big party for my friend’s birthday and he was my date. He bought me a nice and thoughtful gift for my birthday a month later- in my mind things were slowly but surely changing. Then about a week before Christmas he mentioned that he was getting rid of all secular items in his house. I was like “whoa wait, what?” Not because I am against Jesus, but more because I was taken aback by this complete 180 in beliefs. He explained that he needed to get his life right for the sake of his soul and his son’s, and then told me that he wished I would do the same.

He sent me a link to this online church he belonged to, and the whole things screamed “CULT”. I told him good luck and that was that.

Well not really, I had a little break down that night and maybe a few after that. I cried and got ridiculously drunk and made my friends endure dramatic sad sack texts explaining how hurt I was . But after that I was cool with it :)

Dating in DFW

Dating has been one of the hardest things I have tried to do. The biggest reason was because I had not "dated" in about a decade. I was pretty much out of my element, and really unsure about how to go about meeting people.

I tried going out, joined professional organizations, and then lastly online dating. None of these really ended like I hoped they would, but they did teach me some lessons along the way. I got used to making casual conversations with strangers, and flirting with no expectations, and I learned how to just go with the moment and try to have a good time regardless of the fact that I may never want to see this person again. The most important thing I learned though, was how to end it with someone in a respectful manner. Since I had little experience with dating I initially was nervous about shaking a guy I didn't like. I would take his calls even though I hated talking to him, because I didn't want to be rude. Then I began ignoring people, and that can sometimes make people get a little ugly with you. Eventually I realized the best thing to do was to be straight up with them.

One of the first guys that I ended up going on a date with was really cool, we had great conversation and laughed a lot. The downside- he reminded me of my father. Not in a "I feel like this guy can be a good dad", but like he literally has mannerisms like my daddy. So I had to chalk that one up. Met another guy who again seemed really cool, and we hung out for a couple of months. Then he got accepted into some program he had been trying to get into for a while and had to go focus on that. I totally get it, I was in school at the time too so I am all about someone trying to excel in their career but it sucked.

Next guy I met was in my MBA program, from my home state, we had a lot in common. He kept telling my girl how he was into me, while taking me out and having good convos. Well... turns out he had a baby mama that he never mentioned, who per him "thought they were still together". Uhh no bruh, sit down with all that. They got married 2 years later, and up until the wedding she didn't even have a key to his house. He now makes regular "guys" trips to the Dominican Republic...

Ugh that's enough for today.